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Sunday, October 30, 2011

I just need to complain

I'm *almost* 33 weeks, as in WOW it's almost here.  I'm so excited and nervous, but most of all I'm miserable, so I'm going to complain.  And I'm going to complain a lot, because it's my blog and I can write whatever I want! :P

I'm so irritable, beyond anything.  It's soooooo hard to be patient with a toddler when you're irritable.  Sometimes it seems like she pushes my buttons on purpose, who knows maybe she does, although I'm sure it's more a combination of my irritability and her toddler-hood.  I hate when I look forward to her nap and bedtimes, it makes me feel like a terrible person and a shitty mother.  I really took my last pregnancy for granted, I wasn't working, and had no other children to take care of, now I do both.  I had it very easy and I didn't even realize it.  I spent my days nesting and napping, wow I kind of hate that person now for being a spoiled brat!  I have so much more to do now, and it takes me ten times longer to do it.

Everything hurts.  My feet hurt and are swollen (along with my ankles).  My knees and hips ache.  My lower abdomen hurts if I stand for too long; between the pulling of the weight of the baby and just the sheer weight of my fat stomach as a whole, and lifting a 30 pound kid dozens of times a day, it feels like it is just going to rip open.  My breasts hurt, shooting pains, why why why?  My back is a mess, more-so my tailbone and lower back.  My shoulders and neck are in knots.

I have the skin of a 14 year old.  That pregnancy glow?  That's oil pouring from my face like lava from a volcano.  And that isn't limited to my face either.  I avoid mirrors at all cost.  Seriously, the least of my worries is how fat I look, at this point I don't even care, there's nothing I can do about it anyway.

The moving and the kicking feels like an alien attempting to escape my body by any means necessary, oh if only it WERE that easy.  And my favorite are kicks to the bladder with such a force that I probably should just wear diapers. 

I waddle everywhere.  It takes several attempts to get out of bed the 3 times a night I have to pee.  I can't bend over, I will spend 3 minutes trying to pick something up with my toes rather than bend over to pick it up.  Hopefully it won't get too cold here, because I doubt I could tie my shoes, so flip flops it is!

Pregnancy brain is real.  Sometimes it scares me.  I forget really simple things.  I've been on the wrong road and not known it until I get lost, like on my way home from the doctor, which I've been to and from about 100 times.

Sleep?  Well it would seem like an easy task since I'm exhausted ALL day no matter how much sleep I do get.  But no, no it isn't easy.  I have to sleep propped up, because no matter what I eat or when I eat I get heartburn and reflux while I'm sleeping, which wakes me up.  I have awoken to choking on the acid that goes up my throat, that's fun!  I can't sleep on one side for too long because the pressure on my hip wakes me.  Of course I can't sleep on my stomach, and sleeping on my back isn't comfortable or good for me or the baby.  I wish I had a hammock!  That seems like it would be amazing to sleep in.

EVERYTHING seems like such an effort.  I truly weigh my options before I get up; how thirsty am I really, is it really worth getting up and walking over the the kitchen?

Oh and I am sweaty all the time, so gross.

We always planned on just 2 kids, which is good, because there's no way in hell I'm doing this again.   Some women love being pregnant, or are good at it, right now I hate those women.

Ok I'm done.