The Breakdown:
Day 1, 11/23 - weight 147, calories 1283, no workouts
Day 2, 11/24 - weight 146, calories 1441, weight training, stretching
Day 3, 11/25 - weight 145.2, calories 1294, cardio
Day 4, 11/26 - weight 145, calories 1428, weight training
Day 5, 11/27 - weight 146, calories 1523, cardio
Day 6, 11/28 - weight 146.6, calories 1377, no workouts
Day 7, 11/29 - weight 146.6, calories ~ 2300, no workouts
Day 8, 11/30 - weight 147.6,
Recap Week 1:
2 of 3 weight sessions for the week
2 of 3 cardio sessions for the week
1 of 3-6 stretching/foam rolling for the week
Recap Week 2:
+.6 of 11 pounds lost total
0 of 3 weight sessions for the week
0 of 3 cardio sessions for the week
0 of 3-6 stretching/foam rolling for the week
Goal weight by 12/20/11: 136
Well, as one can plainly see I did not do my workouts for week 1 like I planned on. Lazy, no excuses, just didn't want to, wasn't willing. Had pizza for dinner last night, again just being lazy. Didn't go overboard as far as how much, but obviously was not in a deficit! Also, Domino's doesn't have the calorie content of their newer Handmade Pan Pizza on their website, but I can only assume it has more calories than their handtossed because it's breadier and seems like there's more cheese on it. So I can probably safely guess my calories were somewhere around 2300 for the day, but possibly even 400 calories higher I'd think. Not only that but of course TOM, and so my weight is up MORE today.
I didn't do my normal measurements like I usually do on the last day of the month. Mostly because I'm bloated, but partially because I had to be at work early this morning. But ya, mostly the bloated thing. I will do it tomorrow regardless though.
Honeslty, I want to quit this 28 day challenge because I feel like I've already failed. But I will keep going. The funny thing is that my jeans are still loose today, so I guess I'm not that terribly fat afterall. I have to continually remind myself that people (generally, anyway) do not see me as a fat person even if I see myself as one sometimes.
In January I will officially be on the wonderful insurance my kids and husband have been on since July, YAY! I think I may see a counselor about my body image issues. Sometimes I think I'm ok, but sometimes I really think I may have a problem. No telling until I talk to someone I guess.
Friday, November 30, 2012
Thursday, November 29, 2012
Making it to goal: Ramblings
I've been super motivated to make it to this 136 goal by 12/20, if you've read recently you know. Anyway, I've been thinking a lot lately about my goals and how I will know when I'm happy and ready for maintenance. Sometimes I'm already happy! Sure I'd like to trim some fat off the tummy/hips/love handle area, and add some muscle to the booty area as it has gotten rather sad looking; but over all I'm pretty happy as it is.
I committed to this 28 days, so I will do it; but I'm waivering in my belief of the importance of getting to 100 lbs by the 1 year mark, especially since I didn't really start TRYING to lose weight until March. It's weird because I just kind of still have this thing inside me that feels like I'm not allowed to be happy, confident, and feeling good just yet. I feel like it's not good ENOUGH yet, so I can't be done. I kind of want to be done though, ya know!? I'm close to that 136, 10 pounds or so doesn't seem like much in the scheme of things anymore. I had then set these lower goals of getting into the 120s too, but I just don't know. And then when I start thinking that I don't know if it's because really I'm find and a few more pounds is good, and I look good, and I feel good so why not just maintain; OR if I'm starting to think that because this is a comfort zone and going lower is unknown territory and I'm scared. I feel like I probably know which one it is, but now I've talked myself into believing I don't know. It's weird to not trust yourself. But I have a history of disguising my excuses as "reasonable explainations/justifications", and I also have been known to be unreasonable in my goal setting -- so I don't know.
In short. I guess I know I'm not done just yet, but I just can't imagine it's that far away. It's probably more a matter of being consistent with weight training as to change body composition than anything.
I committed to this 28 days, so I will do it; but I'm waivering in my belief of the importance of getting to 100 lbs by the 1 year mark, especially since I didn't really start TRYING to lose weight until March. It's weird because I just kind of still have this thing inside me that feels like I'm not allowed to be happy, confident, and feeling good just yet. I feel like it's not good ENOUGH yet, so I can't be done. I kind of want to be done though, ya know!? I'm close to that 136, 10 pounds or so doesn't seem like much in the scheme of things anymore. I had then set these lower goals of getting into the 120s too, but I just don't know. And then when I start thinking that I don't know if it's because really I'm find and a few more pounds is good, and I look good, and I feel good so why not just maintain; OR if I'm starting to think that because this is a comfort zone and going lower is unknown territory and I'm scared. I feel like I probably know which one it is, but now I've talked myself into believing I don't know. It's weird to not trust yourself. But I have a history of disguising my excuses as "reasonable explainations/justifications", and I also have been known to be unreasonable in my goal setting -- so I don't know.
In short. I guess I know I'm not done just yet, but I just can't imagine it's that far away. It's probably more a matter of being consistent with weight training as to change body composition than anything.
Day 7 of 28
The Breakdown:Day 1, 11/23 - weight 147,
calories 1283, no workouts
Day 2, 11/24 - weight 146, calories 1441, weight training, stretching
Day 3, 11/25 - weight 145.2, calories 1294, cardio
Day 4, 11/26 - weight 145, calories 1428, weight training
Day 5, 11/27 - weight 146, calories 1523, cardio
Day 6, 11/28 - weight 146.6, calories 1377, no workouts
Day 7, 11/29 - weight 146.6,
Recap:
.4 of 11 pounds lost total
2 of 3 weight sessions for the week
2 of 3 cardio sessions for the week
1 of 3-6 stretching/foam rolling for the week
Goal weight by 12/20/11: 136
Wow, looks like I've left my both cardio and weights left to do today if I'm going to get it all in. Also I realize my stretching is not going so well. BOO!
Been doing well. A little distracted but good.
Day 2, 11/24 - weight 146, calories 1441, weight training, stretching
Day 3, 11/25 - weight 145.2, calories 1294, cardio
Day 4, 11/26 - weight 145, calories 1428, weight training
Day 5, 11/27 - weight 146, calories 1523, cardio
Day 6, 11/28 - weight 146.6, calories 1377, no workouts
Day 7, 11/29 - weight 146.6,
Recap:
.4 of 11 pounds lost total
2 of 3 weight sessions for the week
2 of 3 cardio sessions for the week
1 of 3-6 stretching/foam rolling for the week
Goal weight by 12/20/11: 136
Wow, looks like I've left my both cardio and weights left to do today if I'm going to get it all in. Also I realize my stretching is not going so well. BOO!
Been doing well. A little distracted but good.
Wednesday, November 28, 2012
Day 6 of 28
The Breakdown:
Day 1, 11/23 - weight 147, calories 1283, no workouts
Day 2, 11/24 - weight 146, calories 1441, weight training, stretching
Day 3, 11/25 - weight 145.2, calories 1294, cardio
Day 4, 11/26 - weight 145, calories 1428, weight training
Day 5, 11/27 - weight 146, calories 1523, cardio
Day 6, 11/28 - weight 146.6,
Recap:
.4 of 11 pounds lost total
2 of 3 weight sessions for the week
2 of 3 cardio sessions for the week
1 of 3-6 stretching/foam rolling for the week
Goal weight by 12/20/11: 136
I feel much leaner today even though the scale is up. TOM is due any moment so I know that's what's going on. Been good with calories and exercise so I'm not sweating it. I'm excited to take my measurements on Friday like I do at the end of every month.
Day 1, 11/23 - weight 147, calories 1283, no workouts
Day 2, 11/24 - weight 146, calories 1441, weight training, stretching
Day 3, 11/25 - weight 145.2, calories 1294, cardio
Day 4, 11/26 - weight 145, calories 1428, weight training
Day 5, 11/27 - weight 146, calories 1523, cardio
Day 6, 11/28 - weight 146.6,
Recap:
.4 of 11 pounds lost total
2 of 3 weight sessions for the week
2 of 3 cardio sessions for the week
1 of 3-6 stretching/foam rolling for the week
Goal weight by 12/20/11: 136
I feel much leaner today even though the scale is up. TOM is due any moment so I know that's what's going on. Been good with calories and exercise so I'm not sweating it. I'm excited to take my measurements on Friday like I do at the end of every month.
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
The Double Standard
I think most would agree it would be incredibly rude to make a comment to an overweight person while they were eating like "Wow, you sure are shoveling it in. MAN! You eat a lot! No wonder you're so fat!". Right!? I know that there are some jerks out there who say super rude things (and worse), but it certainly isn't socially acceptable to do so!
Why, then, does it seem to be just fine to make comments the opposite way!?
I saw it all the time growing up in regards to my mom, who was always very thin. And I've seen it with my sister as well, also very thin. And I have seen it with one of my thin friends. And NOW I get to experience it, and let me tell you, it can be a little wearing!
I don't know exactly at what point it happened, but it was fairly recently, I have gotten comments like:
Do you eat?
Why aren't you eating?
Are you anorexic?
Are you going to eat?
Is that all you're eating?
It seems like you don't eat anymore!
Here have some cake/pie/chips/cookies/second helping! You are getting too skinny!
I'll admit at first it was a little fun getting these comments, but it has started to make me incredibly self conscious at any gathering where there will be food when the food police are constantly present. Why do people think it's ok to comment on what other people eat. Or on other people's bodies for that matter. You don't really hear people say "Dang, you sure are getting fat, you better stop eating so damn much!". Again, I'm sure there are some total douche bags out there who speak to others like this, but it isn't considered ok! So why then is it ok to say to someone "You're getting too skinny!" in a slightly disgusted manner. I'm starting to get it from people I barely know, and I KIND OF get it, in a way. When I was heavy I would see someone who had lost weight and think that they looked really good, and yet they would talk about losing more, and it would kind of irritate me because I was sitting there all fat, and there they sat looking perfect and yet wanted to look even more perfect. I would sometimes take it as a personal attack, which of course it had nothing to do with me. I do try to keep that in mind, because typically that's where those types of comments are coming from. It's their issue, not mine.
But, just as I would never in a million years say to someone "You are gaining too much weight, you need to lose some!", I don't appreciate being told "You are losing too much weight, you need to stop!". While I realize it's typically coming from people who care about me, and just want me to be happy and think I already look good it's becoming slightly annoying. No one said a word when I gained a crap ton of weight! I know I look good (not to be totally conceited or anything), especially compared to how I looked dozens and DOZENS of pounds ago, I look much better clothed than in the buff. I have many many more pounds of excess fat to lose, especially in my midsection! Sometimes I'm tempted to lift my shirt and show people when they tell me to stop losing weight, that'd be a shocker wouldn't it!?
I do have this theory though, that since skinny is such a culturally GREAT thing here in America (well, and so many other places), "insulting" someone about their skinniness is about the equivalent of disgustedly telling someone they are too rich. Like, ya it's kind of an insult but kind of a compliment at the same time. Of course that isn't always the case, but I think it's true a good part of the time.
Why, then, does it seem to be just fine to make comments the opposite way!?
I saw it all the time growing up in regards to my mom, who was always very thin. And I've seen it with my sister as well, also very thin. And I have seen it with one of my thin friends. And NOW I get to experience it, and let me tell you, it can be a little wearing!
I don't know exactly at what point it happened, but it was fairly recently, I have gotten comments like:
Do you eat?
Why aren't you eating?
Are you anorexic?
Are you going to eat?
Is that all you're eating?
It seems like you don't eat anymore!
Here have some cake/pie/chips/cookies/second helping! You are getting too skinny!
I'll admit at first it was a little fun getting these comments, but it has started to make me incredibly self conscious at any gathering where there will be food when the food police are constantly present. Why do people think it's ok to comment on what other people eat. Or on other people's bodies for that matter. You don't really hear people say "Dang, you sure are getting fat, you better stop eating so damn much!". Again, I'm sure there are some total douche bags out there who speak to others like this, but it isn't considered ok! So why then is it ok to say to someone "You're getting too skinny!" in a slightly disgusted manner. I'm starting to get it from people I barely know, and I KIND OF get it, in a way. When I was heavy I would see someone who had lost weight and think that they looked really good, and yet they would talk about losing more, and it would kind of irritate me because I was sitting there all fat, and there they sat looking perfect and yet wanted to look even more perfect. I would sometimes take it as a personal attack, which of course it had nothing to do with me. I do try to keep that in mind, because typically that's where those types of comments are coming from. It's their issue, not mine.
But, just as I would never in a million years say to someone "You are gaining too much weight, you need to lose some!", I don't appreciate being told "You are losing too much weight, you need to stop!". While I realize it's typically coming from people who care about me, and just want me to be happy and think I already look good it's becoming slightly annoying. No one said a word when I gained a crap ton of weight! I know I look good (not to be totally conceited or anything), especially compared to how I looked dozens and DOZENS of pounds ago, I look much better clothed than in the buff. I have many many more pounds of excess fat to lose, especially in my midsection! Sometimes I'm tempted to lift my shirt and show people when they tell me to stop losing weight, that'd be a shocker wouldn't it!?
I do have this theory though, that since skinny is such a culturally GREAT thing here in America (well, and so many other places), "insulting" someone about their skinniness is about the equivalent of disgustedly telling someone they are too rich. Like, ya it's kind of an insult but kind of a compliment at the same time. Of course that isn't always the case, but I think it's true a good part of the time.
Day 5 of 28
The Breakdown:
Day 1, 11/23 - weight 147, calories 1283, no workouts
Day 2, 11/24 - weight 146, calories 1441, weight training, stretching
Day 3, 11/25 - weight 145.2, calories 1294, cardio
Day 4, 11/26 - weight 145, calories 1428, weight training
Day 5, 11/27 - weight 146,
Recap:
1 of 11 pounds lost total
2 of 3 weight sessions for the week
1 of 3 cardio sessions for the week
1 of 3-6 stretching/foam rolling for the week
Goal weight by 12/20/11: 136
Not at all surprised my weight is up today, TOM is due today and I usually do go up at least a pound or 2. It may be a good 6 days before I lose. Just keeping at it. I'm due for some cardio today. It's a hard day for getting that in, so I'll have to wait till the kids are in bed to either go for a run outside or make it to the gym.
Day 1, 11/23 - weight 147, calories 1283, no workouts
Day 2, 11/24 - weight 146, calories 1441, weight training, stretching
Day 3, 11/25 - weight 145.2, calories 1294, cardio
Day 4, 11/26 - weight 145, calories 1428, weight training
Day 5, 11/27 - weight 146,
Recap:
1 of 11 pounds lost total
2 of 3 weight sessions for the week
1 of 3 cardio sessions for the week
1 of 3-6 stretching/foam rolling for the week
Goal weight by 12/20/11: 136
Not at all surprised my weight is up today, TOM is due today and I usually do go up at least a pound or 2. It may be a good 6 days before I lose. Just keeping at it. I'm due for some cardio today. It's a hard day for getting that in, so I'll have to wait till the kids are in bed to either go for a run outside or make it to the gym.
Monday, November 26, 2012
Day 4 of 28 and another mini-goal met
The Breakdown:
Day 1, 11/23 - weight 147, calories 1283, no workouts
Day 2, 11/24 - weight 146, calories 1441, weight training, stretching
Day 3, 11/25 - weight 145.2, calories 1294, cardio
Day 4, 11/26 - weight 145
Recap:
2 of 11 pounds lost total
1 of 3 weight sessions for the week
1 of 3 cardio sessions for the week
1 of 3-6 stretching/foam rolling for the week
Goal weight by 12/20/11: 136
My mom came over and watched the kids while I went to the gym yesterday afternoon. I ran for 30 mins, then I did running intervals for another 30 minutes, then I did the stairmaster for 20 minutes. I really just didn't want to go home lol, that's really the only reason I stayed so long!!!
__________________________________________
Mini goals:
1st mini goal: 199.8, get under 200!
2nd mini goal: 193, my pre-pregnancy weight.
3rd mini goal: 185.8, no longer considered obese.
4th mini goal: 175, which I got down to in January 2011, a few months before I got pregnant with Luke.
5th mini goal: 163, was my Labor Day goal, (reached a few days late).
6th mini goal: 154.8, no longer considered overweight.
7th mini-goal: 152, how much I weighed when I met Jason.
8th mini-goal: 149.8, because it's the 140s! Holy crap!
9th mini-goal: 145, drivers license weight.
10th mini-goal: 142, lowest weight I've seen as an adult, maybe even as a teen, and my wedding day weight.
11th mini-goal: 139.8, because it's the 130s! OMG!
12th mini-goal: 135, my original goal weight.
13th mini-goal: 130, my new goal weight.
(Secret 14th mini-goal: 125, so I have a fluctuation buffer of 125-130 for maintenance.)
Day 1, 11/23 - weight 147, calories 1283, no workouts
Day 2, 11/24 - weight 146, calories 1441, weight training, stretching
Day 3, 11/25 - weight 145.2, calories 1294, cardio
Day 4, 11/26 - weight 145
Recap:
2 of 11 pounds lost total
1 of 3 weight sessions for the week
1 of 3 cardio sessions for the week
1 of 3-6 stretching/foam rolling for the week
Goal weight by 12/20/11: 136
My mom came over and watched the kids while I went to the gym yesterday afternoon. I ran for 30 mins, then I did running intervals for another 30 minutes, then I did the stairmaster for 20 minutes. I really just didn't want to go home lol, that's really the only reason I stayed so long!!!
__________________________________________
Mini goals:
10th mini-goal: 142, lowest weight I've seen as an adult, maybe even as a teen, and my wedding day weight.
11th mini-goal: 139.8, because it's the 130s! OMG!
12th mini-goal: 135, my original goal weight.
13th mini-goal: 130, my new goal weight.
(Secret 14th mini-goal: 125, so I have a fluctuation buffer of 125-130 for maintenance.)
Sunday, November 25, 2012
Day 3 of 28
The Breakdown:
Day 1, 11/23 - weight 147, calories 1283, no workouts
Day 2, 11/24 - weight 146, calories 1441, weight training, stretching
Day 3, 11/25 - weight 145.2
Recap:
1.8 of 11 pounds lost total
1 of 3 weight sessions for the week
0 of 3 cardio sessions for the week
1 of 3-6 stretching/foam rolling for the week
Goal weight by 12/20/11: 136
Day 2 didn't present much issue staying on plan. Though it was probably one of the worst days I've had home alone with my kids. GAH! I was hungry last night, but I typically don't have much of a problem abstaining from food the later it gets because I know breakfast isn't far away. So far so good.
Day 1, 11/23 - weight 147, calories 1283, no workouts
Day 2, 11/24 - weight 146, calories 1441, weight training, stretching
Day 3, 11/25 - weight 145.2
Recap:
1.8 of 11 pounds lost total
1 of 3 weight sessions for the week
0 of 3 cardio sessions for the week
1 of 3-6 stretching/foam rolling for the week
Goal weight by 12/20/11: 136
Day 2 didn't present much issue staying on plan. Though it was probably one of the worst days I've had home alone with my kids. GAH! I was hungry last night, but I typically don't have much of a problem abstaining from food the later it gets because I know breakfast isn't far away. So far so good.
Saturday, November 24, 2012
Day 2 of 28
The Breakdown:
Day 1, 11/23 - weight 147, calories 1283, no workouts
Day 2, 11/24 - weight 146,
Recap:
1 of 11 pounds lost total
0 of 3 weight sessions for the week
0 of 3 cardio sessions for the week
0 of 3-6 stretching/foam rolling for the week
Goal weight by 12/20/11: 136
Yesterday was no sweat. It always seems fairly easy the first day or two of a new plan. Plus I was still stuffed from eating so much on Thanksgiving. I'm expecting my weight to perhaps shoot up a little in the coming days from the inevitable water weight my cycle brings. My lowest weight so far of 145.8 happened on November 12th, so I'm almost back down there! Man! Almost 2 weeks of crappiness. So glad to be back to it!
Day 1, 11/23 - weight 147, calories 1283, no workouts
Day 2, 11/24 - weight 146,
Recap:
1 of 11 pounds lost total
0 of 3 weight sessions for the week
0 of 3 cardio sessions for the week
0 of 3-6 stretching/foam rolling for the week
Goal weight by 12/20/11: 136
Yesterday was no sweat. It always seems fairly easy the first day or two of a new plan. Plus I was still stuffed from eating so much on Thanksgiving. I'm expecting my weight to perhaps shoot up a little in the coming days from the inevitable water weight my cycle brings. My lowest weight so far of 145.8 happened on November 12th, so I'm almost back down there! Man! Almost 2 weeks of crappiness. So glad to be back to it!
Friday, November 23, 2012
28 Days - Day 1
Down to business. Day after Thanksgiving and exactly 28 days until Luke's 1st birthday; which of course is exciting in and of itself, but also marks the 1 year anniversary of my high weight. I have had a goal of losing 100 pounds within that year, even though I didn't actually start seriously until the end of March (that anniversary holds its own goals). So I decided to stop feeling sorry for myself, and get serious. Now, of course I very well may not make my goal, it is rather lofty, especially since it's basically the last 10-15 pounds, which are the most difficult. But it's sure worth a try. My husband is in on it too, with his own goals of course, and the focus being not allowing Thanksgiving to roll into a month of eating very badly in anticipation of Luke's birthday followed closely by Christmas, followed closely by New Years with all of the leftovers and treats people send home on top of it all.
So here are my goals for this self imposed 28 day challenge:
Starting weight:
Day 1, 11/23 - 147
Goal weight:
136
So, obviously, that's 11 pounds in 28 days! Like I said, lofty! 11 would have been hard when I was 50 pounds heavier, now it's nearly impossible. But I no matter how much I lose, I'm that much closer to my goal!
So here are my goals for this self imposed 28 day challenge:
- Count Calories daily again: 1200-1500
- Weight Training 3 days/week: Full body (planning to start NROLFW in January with my goal at this point just being to get consistent with my workouts again)
- Cardio 3 days/week: Minimum of 30 minutes
- Stretching and/or Foam Rolling on workout days
- I'd really like to blog daily just to keep me accountable, so that's a side goal.
Starting weight:
Day 1, 11/23 - 147
Goal weight:
136
So, obviously, that's 11 pounds in 28 days! Like I said, lofty! 11 would have been hard when I was 50 pounds heavier, now it's nearly impossible. But I no matter how much I lose, I'm that much closer to my goal!
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
I'm back to complain!
So I had decided I would be serious until Thanksgiving. I figured I'd do low carb too. Then I ended my day yesterday with pizza and beer. My saving grace was that it did fit into my calories. I was actually down this morning to 149.8 (down from 151.4). I feel terrified right now that I am not being more careful! But it's not as if I don't care! Obviously I'm still weighing and stressing and obsessing, I'm just lacking in the actual "doing" department. I've been constantly trying to rationalize both ways of behaving! On one hand I *should* be able to take a week or two off, eat whatever (within reason of course), relax, and not think about calories and all that. On the other hand that is an incredibly slippery slope. PLUS I'm not really truly enjoying it because I'm miserable obsessing over the weight gain and the fact that my pants are tight. I'm very torn right now. I have a very hard time with middle ground, I'm typically one extreme or the other.
I'm more just thinking out loud here. I've gotten some really great advice, and pep talks, from several people in real life, and from my online friends. All of it is great stuff, makes sense, very rational, motivates me in the moment. Then I see food I want and everything kind of fades away. I feel like maybe so many months of being incredibly strict has lead me to this point. Plus getting to a weight I consider "normal" (around or under 150), fitting into my wedding dress again, fitting into size 8s and 6s. But I'm not where I want to be yet, I don't want to let up! I also don't want to be one of those people who can't just take some time off from it and indulge. I basically just don't want to be me right now. I said I was fine with maintaining through the holidays, which if that were the case I'd be fine since I was 153.8 when I said that. But I'm apparantly NOT ok with it.
My youngest is 11 months old today. In that 11 months I've come a long way, a very long way. But I really really want to be at minus 100 pounds by his birthday, which of course is now just one month away. IF that is even possible at this point, it will take some SERIOUS commitment! I don't even know that it's really possible, short of doing RFL again after Thanksgiving is over as to drop serious water weight along with fat. I don't know if I have it in me to do that! Although if I don't have it in me to give it my complete and total ALL, then apparantly I don't want to hit that number in that time frame that badly. I'm so sick of being hungry all the time. Sick of turning down every food that sounds good. Ok, I'm being dramatic now obviously. I just want to wallow in self pity for moment longer and throw a hissy fit followed by eating whatever I want in the quantities I want. WAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am definitely disappointed in myself that I find it to be such a struggle so far in. WHY!?!?!?!?! Why am I doing this to myself so close to my goal!? What is wrong with me!? <------ More dramatics, but still!
I'm more just thinking out loud here. I've gotten some really great advice, and pep talks, from several people in real life, and from my online friends. All of it is great stuff, makes sense, very rational, motivates me in the moment. Then I see food I want and everything kind of fades away. I feel like maybe so many months of being incredibly strict has lead me to this point. Plus getting to a weight I consider "normal" (around or under 150), fitting into my wedding dress again, fitting into size 8s and 6s. But I'm not where I want to be yet, I don't want to let up! I also don't want to be one of those people who can't just take some time off from it and indulge. I basically just don't want to be me right now. I said I was fine with maintaining through the holidays, which if that were the case I'd be fine since I was 153.8 when I said that. But I'm apparantly NOT ok with it.
My youngest is 11 months old today. In that 11 months I've come a long way, a very long way. But I really really want to be at minus 100 pounds by his birthday, which of course is now just one month away. IF that is even possible at this point, it will take some SERIOUS commitment! I don't even know that it's really possible, short of doing RFL again after Thanksgiving is over as to drop serious water weight along with fat. I don't know if I have it in me to do that! Although if I don't have it in me to give it my complete and total ALL, then apparantly I don't want to hit that number in that time frame that badly. I'm so sick of being hungry all the time. Sick of turning down every food that sounds good. Ok, I'm being dramatic now obviously. I just want to wallow in self pity for moment longer and throw a hissy fit followed by eating whatever I want in the quantities I want. WAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am definitely disappointed in myself that I find it to be such a struggle so far in. WHY!?!?!?!?! Why am I doing this to myself so close to my goal!? What is wrong with me!? <------ More dramatics, but still!
Monday, November 19, 2012
Stupid :/
Sometimes the comments people make to me make me feel like I've given the impression that I don't struggle. Let me tell you something, about a week ago I got down to 145.8, which put me at a 90 pound loss, fit into a size 6, and I celebrated by gaining 5 pounds in the last week. That's right, FIVE! Please never think I don't struggle, or sabotage myself, or that I don't shove my face full of crappy food, and completely avoid working out, because I DO!!! This suck sometimes. I just want this to come naturally, I don't think it EVER will. It will always take effort and a lot of planning and thought. Sometimes that really makes me feel down. This time of year really sucks for losing weight. There's so much yummy food everywhere and I am not good at moderation, it takes an incredible amount of restraint and that's hard!!! I'm kind of having a pity party obviously. I have to remind myself that 8 months ago, hell even 4 months ago, I'd have killed to be where I am now. If I were talking to someone else going through the same thing I'd have great advice, I am incapable of taking it myself.
No excuses, just the facts. Ate too much. Haven't worked out. Gained weight. No mystery!
No excuses, just the facts. Ate too much. Haven't worked out. Gained weight. No mystery!
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
Your excuses are invalid
When I first started hard core back in March I decided that if I was ever going to get where I wanted to be I needed to stop making excuses why I couldn't do it, because I had plenty of them. Excuses are a big sign of unreadiness (hmmm, that's most likely not a real word), and if you're not ready you're not ready, and that's a personal thing. It's a lot of work and a lot of commitment so if you really aren't in a good place with it, it won't last, and that's all but a guaruntee! Anyway, I wanted to cut out the bull I was feeding myself and decided if I wasn't willing to do it, then I needed to say just that, and not give XYZ excuses why I "couldn't" do it. When I made myself decide that, I chose to cut the excuses out because I really didn't want to be one of those people who decided to be ok with being obese. To each his/her own, but I was unhappy and miserable and I wasn't ok with that and needed to stop giving myself permission to continue on that way!
So what's my point!? Well, I get asked, quite a lo,t variations of the question "How have you lost so much weight!?" I don't know what people reallly expect me to say, but they almost always seem disappointed in my answer. Don't get me wrong, my absolute favorite subject in the world is weight loss and all things related (nutrition, exercise, supplements, etc. etc.) -- I'm always thrilled to talk about it, but I can tell when the person asking is hoping I will answer "Actually, I found this new diet where all you eat is pizza and ice cream in whatever quantities you want, you just have to jump up and down 3 times every hour and you will lose a crap ton of weight!" I've learned to answer very simply "I eat quite a lot less". This seems to stop the onslaught of excuses people tend to start throwing at me if I tell them in detail what I've done; or if they are actually really interested they will ask more questions, which I'm happy to answer. For some reason my weight loss effects some people in a way that it makes them feel the need to defend their own weight issues to me, that does make me feel very bad sometimes. But like I was saying, if I go ahead with the details after the first inquiry, it tends to lead the person I'm talking to into giving me a laundry list of reasons why what I've done isn't possible for them. I rarely will call people on their bull, because, well it's really none of my business, but some of the excuses I hear are just terrible.
Excuse #1 - THE FOOD: It's too expensive to eat healthy. Someone else buys my food so I have to eat what they buy and make. I cook for a family and my kids and/or partner won't support me in my food changes because I am at their mercy.
Nope - wrong. You don't have to buy all organic, or shop at Whole Foods/Spouts/Other-Expensive-Granola-Store. There are plenty of healthy foods that are not expensive at all, not to mention you don't have to do a complete 180 and go from whatever it is you're eating now to eating like a vegan tree hugger. AND besides that, you don't have to eat "healthy" to lose weight, you just have to be in a calorie deficit, you can eat any food you damn well please (not saying that's the ideal)! No matter what food is available to you, it is possible to lose weight. Case closed.
Excuse #2 - THE EXERCISE: I can't afford a gym membership. I have an injury so I can't workout. I'm too busy to workout. I hate working out. One time I worked out and it was so super hard, I won't do it again.
Uh, no. Nope, nope, and no. You don't have to workout to lose weight! Of course being fit and active is important to being healthy, but it certainly isn't neccessary to drop pounds. PLUS you don't need a gym to work out, you don't even need home gym equipment. It's simple, you google at home workouts, or look it up on youtube, it's a thing believe it or not. Plus there are about a billion workout videos on the market (for cheap), Netflix has a ton of them to stream, you can go for a walk or run or dance in your living room (free), AND someone busier than YOU worked out today. Or just don't workout at all, if you are in a calorie deficit you will lose weight, working out is the icing on the cake.
Excuse #3 - I CAN'T LOSE WEIGHT: I've tried every single diet and exercise plan ever made and I just can't lose weight. My body wasn't meant to be a size 2. I'm big boned.
This one is the one that irritates me the most. Your mommy may have told you you're special, but you are not a biological marvel. I would seriously hope that if someone truly thought this they'd go to the doctor to see what was wrong with them. I'm NOT denying that there are indeed medical conditions that make it very difficult to lose weight, but this is typically not what's going on. There's a saying "every diet works if you follow it" and that's pretty much true, although different things work better for different people. If you only follow it for a week and expect to lose 30 pounds you will be disappointed. Weight loss take a lot of TIME! If you "follow it" but you are taking bites here and there of extra stuff and not really truly following it, you will be disappointed. People want to say, "it's not me, it's XYZ", when it really and totally is them! And what's the deal with that "size 2" excuse, I hear that one all the time. So, what? You can't be a size 2 so you have to be a size 22!? NO! You can be a healthier size, which doesn't mean you have to be a size 2! And no, those aren't your bones, that's fat, cut the crap.
It's not at ALL that I think everyone should be losing weight or strivng to be a fitness model, not even a little bit. BUT, it drives me batty when people act like they want to lose weight but aren't willing to really do even the smallest thing to achieve it. I'm not interested in hearing people's excuses! It's hard, and if it weren't no one would be overweight. I have worked my ass off (quite literally), and when people brush it off like "oh, well it's easy for you because of <whatever>, whereas it's hard for me because of <whatever>" that pisses me off! It's never been easy, never will be! Just like ANYTHING in life, success very rarely comes to those who do nothing to work for it.
So what's my point!? Well, I get asked, quite a lo,t variations of the question "How have you lost so much weight!?" I don't know what people reallly expect me to say, but they almost always seem disappointed in my answer. Don't get me wrong, my absolute favorite subject in the world is weight loss and all things related (nutrition, exercise, supplements, etc. etc.) -- I'm always thrilled to talk about it, but I can tell when the person asking is hoping I will answer "Actually, I found this new diet where all you eat is pizza and ice cream in whatever quantities you want, you just have to jump up and down 3 times every hour and you will lose a crap ton of weight!" I've learned to answer very simply "I eat quite a lot less". This seems to stop the onslaught of excuses people tend to start throwing at me if I tell them in detail what I've done; or if they are actually really interested they will ask more questions, which I'm happy to answer. For some reason my weight loss effects some people in a way that it makes them feel the need to defend their own weight issues to me, that does make me feel very bad sometimes. But like I was saying, if I go ahead with the details after the first inquiry, it tends to lead the person I'm talking to into giving me a laundry list of reasons why what I've done isn't possible for them. I rarely will call people on their bull, because, well it's really none of my business, but some of the excuses I hear are just terrible.
Excuse #1 - THE FOOD: It's too expensive to eat healthy. Someone else buys my food so I have to eat what they buy and make. I cook for a family and my kids and/or partner won't support me in my food changes because I am at their mercy.
Nope - wrong. You don't have to buy all organic, or shop at Whole Foods/Spouts/Other-Expensive-Granola-Store. There are plenty of healthy foods that are not expensive at all, not to mention you don't have to do a complete 180 and go from whatever it is you're eating now to eating like a vegan tree hugger. AND besides that, you don't have to eat "healthy" to lose weight, you just have to be in a calorie deficit, you can eat any food you damn well please (not saying that's the ideal)! No matter what food is available to you, it is possible to lose weight. Case closed.
Excuse #2 - THE EXERCISE: I can't afford a gym membership. I have an injury so I can't workout. I'm too busy to workout. I hate working out. One time I worked out and it was so super hard, I won't do it again.
Uh, no. Nope, nope, and no. You don't have to workout to lose weight! Of course being fit and active is important to being healthy, but it certainly isn't neccessary to drop pounds. PLUS you don't need a gym to work out, you don't even need home gym equipment. It's simple, you google at home workouts, or look it up on youtube, it's a thing believe it or not. Plus there are about a billion workout videos on the market (for cheap), Netflix has a ton of them to stream, you can go for a walk or run or dance in your living room (free), AND someone busier than YOU worked out today. Or just don't workout at all, if you are in a calorie deficit you will lose weight, working out is the icing on the cake.
Excuse #3 - I CAN'T LOSE WEIGHT: I've tried every single diet and exercise plan ever made and I just can't lose weight. My body wasn't meant to be a size 2. I'm big boned.
This one is the one that irritates me the most. Your mommy may have told you you're special, but you are not a biological marvel. I would seriously hope that if someone truly thought this they'd go to the doctor to see what was wrong with them. I'm NOT denying that there are indeed medical conditions that make it very difficult to lose weight, but this is typically not what's going on. There's a saying "every diet works if you follow it" and that's pretty much true, although different things work better for different people. If you only follow it for a week and expect to lose 30 pounds you will be disappointed. Weight loss take a lot of TIME! If you "follow it" but you are taking bites here and there of extra stuff and not really truly following it, you will be disappointed. People want to say, "it's not me, it's XYZ", when it really and totally is them! And what's the deal with that "size 2" excuse, I hear that one all the time. So, what? You can't be a size 2 so you have to be a size 22!? NO! You can be a healthier size, which doesn't mean you have to be a size 2! And no, those aren't your bones, that's fat, cut the crap.
It's not at ALL that I think everyone should be losing weight or strivng to be a fitness model, not even a little bit. BUT, it drives me batty when people act like they want to lose weight but aren't willing to really do even the smallest thing to achieve it. I'm not interested in hearing people's excuses! It's hard, and if it weren't no one would be overweight. I have worked my ass off (quite literally), and when people brush it off like "oh, well it's easy for you because of <whatever>, whereas it's hard for me because of <whatever>" that pisses me off! It's never been easy, never will be! Just like ANYTHING in life, success very rarely comes to those who do nothing to work for it.
Monday, November 12, 2012
Officially 90
I hit 145.8 today, which makes it official that I've lost 90 pounds! Well. . . 90.2 to be exact. I was close yesterday, and the day before, but it wasn't like really actually totally OFFICIAL, like it is today!
I'm getting really close to my goal, I think. I kind of don't know where exactly I will land. I do know that I need to get my lazy ass back in the gym. I've been very full of excuses the last two weeks with the kids taking turns being sick, but they were just that -- excuses. I haven't gone for a run in a really long time, and I haven't lifted in a couple weeks. I don't necessarily miss it, but I miss being able to say I did it, HA! I do miss feeling more active; the kids do keep me active to a certain point, but it's not the same. I definitely don't feel quite as bad ass when I'm not working out.
At any rate (I hate that saying, but I insist on using sayings and words I hate), I think it's very possible I may hit my original goal of 100 pounds by Luke's 1st birthday December 20th. It's only 9.8 pounds and about 5 1/2 weeks. I will get close. Hell, I'm close now! If I can keep up the momentum I've had this month so far I definitely have a chance.
Well, I hear Luke, so I better go.
I'm getting really close to my goal, I think. I kind of don't know where exactly I will land. I do know that I need to get my lazy ass back in the gym. I've been very full of excuses the last two weeks with the kids taking turns being sick, but they were just that -- excuses. I haven't gone for a run in a really long time, and I haven't lifted in a couple weeks. I don't necessarily miss it, but I miss being able to say I did it, HA! I do miss feeling more active; the kids do keep me active to a certain point, but it's not the same. I definitely don't feel quite as bad ass when I'm not working out.
At any rate (I hate that saying, but I insist on using sayings and words I hate), I think it's very possible I may hit my original goal of 100 pounds by Luke's 1st birthday December 20th. It's only 9.8 pounds and about 5 1/2 weeks. I will get close. Hell, I'm close now! If I can keep up the momentum I've had this month so far I definitely have a chance.
Well, I hear Luke, so I better go.
Sunday, November 11, 2012
*PICS* 20 to 6 PEOPLE, TWENTY TO SIX!!!!
Back in March of this year I bought a pair of size 18 pants from Walmart because I was sick of wearing maternity pants 4 months after giving birth. I assumed an 18 would fit since the 16s in my closet were (WAY) too small. Well, they didn't fit, they were too tight. I was way too humiliated to exchange them for the size 20s that I really needed. So the pic below on the left are those very size 18s, but try to imagine that those didn't fit! The the pic below on the right is me in the size 6s that I JUST bought! They are a little tight, and I'm totally sucking in (HA!), but they fit! I NEVER ever photoshop my pictures. I certainly take several and then pick the one(s) I find most flattering, of course, but I never ever retouch them. My body is what it is, and believe me, after losing less than a pound away from 90 (NINETY!!!) pounds in less than 11 months, the typical ramifications of that remain, perhaps they will fade a bit with time but maybe not. I will probably never be able to wear a bikini (without people puking), but I'm proud of my body and what I've be able to accomplish with it! The battle wounds of obesity (and pregnancy) will be with me as a constant reminder of what I never want to be again!
 |
| Size 18s |
 |
| Size 6s |
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
Another mini goal met
Mini goals:1st mini goal: 199.8, get under
200!
2nd mini goal: 193, my
pre-pregnancy weight.
3rd mini goal: 185.8, no longer
considered obese.
4th mini goal: 175,
which I got down to in January 2011, a few months before I got pregnant with
Luke.
5th mini goal: 163, was my Labor Day goal,
(reached a few days late).
6th mini goal: 154.8,
no longer considered overweight.
7th
mini-goal: 152, how much I weighed when I met Jason.
8th
mini-goal: 149.8, because it's the 140s! Holy crap!
9th mini-goal: 145, drivers license weight.
10th mini-goal: 142, lowest weight I've seen as an adult, maybe even as a teen, and my wedding day weight.
11th mini-goal: 139.8, because it's the 130s! OMG!
12th mini-goal: 135, my original goal weight.
13th mini-goal: 130, my new goal weight.
(Secret 14th mini-goal: 125, so I have a fluctuation buffer of 125-130 for maintenance.)
9th mini-goal: 145, drivers license weight.
10th mini-goal: 142, lowest weight I've seen as an adult, maybe even as a teen, and my wedding day weight.
11th mini-goal: 139.8, because it's the 130s! OMG!
12th mini-goal: 135, my original goal weight.
13th mini-goal: 130, my new goal weight.
(Secret 14th mini-goal: 125, so I have a fluctuation buffer of 125-130 for maintenance.)
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
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