Boring update

Today was my first full day not using the scale.  And I only weighed myself ONCE yesterday.  This is a big deal for me.  It was not nearly as hard as I thought it would be!  I ate well yesterday; hit my macros and set calories for the day, and I was right on today as well.  With the New Rules program I get to eat A LOT more than I have been.  On a workout day right at 2000, on a rest day right around 1700.  I'm used to eating so much less, it's so weird to be able to eat so much!  Good weird!  Anyway, it was a relief not weighing myself, but since I'm tracking my calories, and getting my workouts in, I'm not stressed about it.  It's really nice to just be trying to focus on the health and fitness rather than the scale.

My workout yesterday went really well!  It's a pretty simple workout, 5 exercises, 2 sets each, some supersets, and this portion of the program takes about a half hour (not bad!).  It's a fairly intense workout though, the weights are heavy (of course 'heavy' is relative), and I'm sore!  Feels good though.  I have the 2nd workout of the 1st program tomorrow (the 2 workouts to be alternated throughout the first 6 weeks), and I'm looking forward to it!  It is meant to be done 3 days a week, which is very realistic.  I just did some moderate walking afterwards yesterday.  I'm headed to the gym again tonight for some cardio too.  I love that my mom is my gym buddy!

Perspective

Back in April I wrote a letter to my 23 year old self.  I just went back and read it.  It's funny the perspective you can lose in just a couple of months.  First off, I was wrong, I don't have those jeans anymore, AND I was wrong that I'd never fit into that size again, in fact I can.  I was wrong, also, that I had this all figured out.  I seriously hope that no one reading this blog thinks that just because I’ve lost as much as I have that I have things figured out – actually I would be surprised if anyone thinks I’m anything but a nutcase really.  I don’t mean that in a self-deprecating way, I mean it in a reality kind of way; and I’m okay with being a little nuts.

I don’t know at what point I decided nothing I do is good enough.  I’ve reverted to a lot of old bad habits.  I was naïve to think those wouldn’t come back to haunt me; old habits die hard and all that.  I’m going to start the NROLFW program today, and I’m going to follow their calorie intake guidelines, which are substantially higher than I’ve eaten in a long while.  Aside from that I’m going to start working on some things that I’ve lost sight of, some things I was really good about in the beginning – being kind to myself and working on my body for health and fitness (not just for a smaller waistline), stopping the negative self talk and all of the self punishment.  I’m seriously considering only weighing in once a week, but it’s hard for me to give up that control.  I think it would be good for me though.  As long as I’m counting calories I know exactly how much I’m eating and that it would be impossible for me to gain fat at that level.  If I’m going to take the stance that the scale isn’t as important as my fitness and health, especially since I’m a normal weight now, I need to actually put that into practice.  The scale does drive me crazy, and some days it does really effect my mood, and that isn’t good.

So that's my new and improved plan.  In summary: be less crazy, workout more, take care of myself.

Vanity and Guns

The more weight I lose the more vain I am becoming.  I don't really see it as a bad thing actually, considering how many years I've lived ashamed of my appearance.  I've found myself more concerned with my clothes, shoes, makeup, hair, and lately -- muscles.  I'm becoming very obsessed with this, which I think is also a positive thing.  The last time I lost a significant amount of weight (50 pounds back in '05/'06) I never lifted (hardly every anyway) and while I lost weight and got smaller, my body fat % was still pretty high.  I was definitely "skinny fat".  I had about the same body fat % then at 142 pounds as I do now at 163 pounds (WOW!).  I haven't been terribly consistent with my weight training, but more consistent than any other time in my life.  Yesterday I had Luke in the baby carrier and I passed the mirror (hand on my hip) and saw some visible MUSCLE.  I was impressed with myself and took a picture (below).  I don't really have any pictures of "before" at this angle, but take my word for it, it's an improvement!

I have committed to 6 weeks of this current weight training program (about 4 and a half weeks left).  BUT, after that I am starting the New Rules of Lifting for Women (they have several books in the series for different things) program.  I just got the book and am completely STOKED to start it.  I will definitely keep record of all concerning that!

I'm getting very close to a normal weight, and not that far off of my estimated goal weight, I really need to concentrate on weight training.  No point in being skinny just for skinny's sake.  I want to look GOOD!