29

With my birthday just 2 days away and as I enter the final year of my 20's I feel like it's a good time to reflect.

I don't much care about age, seeing as how my husband (Jason) is 11 and a half years older than me proves that.  However, I remember crying when I turned 20 because I was no longer a teenager.  I also spent my 20th birthday in Steubenville, which probably added to my tears.  I'm finding that going into the last year of my 20's I'm not really all that hung up and being so close to 30.

I spent most of the first half of my 20th year at the Franciscan University of Steubenville, Steubenville and I never got along.  I met Jason just before my 21st birthday while going to school to get our personal training certifications, and shortly thereafter we began dating.  We married right before I turned 24, bought our house when I was 25, finished my bachelors degree and had our first baby when I was 26, and of course are expecting our 2nd (and final) child this year, my 29th year.  I'm certain tons more happened these past 9 years, but these are the milestones my pregnancy brain is allowing me to remember at this time.

I definitely feel as thought I have spend my 20's building my life, building our lives.  Seeing the end of this decade coming almost feels like a relief, like now I can finally sit back and enjoy this life.  Sure, it's not done being built really, but the foundation is certainly done.

Life will always be filled with trouble, unknowns, curve balls, and all that jazz, but I think the 30's will hold much more stability than my 20's did.  I would never call myself an expert at life, but compared to what I knew 9 years ago I do feel much more prepared for what life has to throw at me.  I know I'm much more jaded than I was, I tend to trust less and question more.  It's sad, in a way, to lose that naivety.  I'm glad I have little 2 year old to remind me that life can be innocent and fun.  I'm glad I have a little baby in my belly kicking away reminding me that life begins so quietly and simply.

Already Overwhelmed

Little by little it is sinking in that I will have a second baby in just a few months.  The taking care of the baby part doesn't intimidate me, it's the taking care of the baby plus taking care of a toddler part that scares me.  To add on, I'm terrible about housework.  I'm not being humble, and I'm not one of those people who just can't be satisfied so I just think I'm not good at it. . . I'm just really not good at it!  If I were the blaming type I'd blame my mom because she never gave us chores, or if she did it was totally random and she never made us stick to it.  She cooked and cleaned and was a stay at home mom, she did everything for us.  While I am indeed the most functional of my siblings I am still pretty lame at some things.

When some people say "the house is a mess", what they really mean is that there are some toys on the floor, or they haven't vacuumed that day and there's a few dishes in the sink.  When I say it, it means it is really a mess, hasn't been dusted or vacuumed in weeks, all the dishes are in the sink, cobwebs in the corners, kitchen table in unusable, kitchen counter is covered in mail and other various crap and basically that it is an actual MESS!

I love being a stay at home mom, and although I do work kind of part time (for now) I still consider myself a stay at home mom.  The mom part I'm good at (although I know I could be better), but the housekeeping part I suck at completely.  I want to be better.  I'm worried though.  I'm having such a hard time cleaning the room that will be the baby's.  I have so much I need to do before he gets here.  I'm starting to get overwhelmed, which really really scares me!  If I'm overwhelmed now,  how in the hell am I going to feel once he's here.