The Crazies

I'm a neurotic person, by nature.  It's taken me a long time to admit that, as I've always been a self-labeled "easy going kind of gal".  Well, I'm not -- not really even a little bit.  I'm controlling, anxious, impatient, and all kinds of other negative things like that.  Perhaps the only exception is with my children.   I can being easy going with them, and kind of just go-with-the-flow, for the most part.

As I'm sure you can imagine - weight loss, exercise, and nutrition, are really perfect types of things to become obsessive about.  Am I obsessed?  While I could try to argue that I'm not, I won't even bother.  Ya, I am obsessed.  If I've ever given the impression that this comes naturally, easily, without intense effort, and/or without a second thought, I was basically misleading you (hopefully I have never given that impression, though!).  There have been times I've tried to convince myself that I've come so far as to no longer need to even think about it, that I will just eat the right foods in the right amounts, and just be active. . . but it's just not so, it takes a lot of work, a lot of planning, and a lot of TIME!  I'm just speaking for myself, of course, some people do have an easier go of it.

In any case, one of the crazy things I do is totally immerse myself in all that is weight loss.  One way that I do this, is my after-the-kids-go-to-bed tv watching.  I've watched everything weight loss/health/fitness related on streaming Netflix (The Biggest Loser, Ruby, Foodmatters, Food Inc, Running the Sahara, and MANY more -- you  name it, I've watched it), and have now moved to youtube (this collection is amazing, I especially love that they are British shows).  I can stream youtube through my Tivo, so I don't have to stare at my computer screen (which I hate).  I read books on it (currently finishing up New Rules of Lifting for Women, and am also currently reading The Weight Loss Diaries during my (mostly) nightly bath).  I frequent weight loss forums.  Almost all of my free time (which isn't much) is completely devoted to weight loss, in one way or another: if not any of the above, then it's working out, planning workouts, thinking about which exercises I should do, how much cardio, how many days of lifting, preparing meals, planning meals, thinking about food, calculating calorie intake, thinking about the percentages of my macronutrients, recording my food intake, thinking about food I should stay away from, trying to figure out if I can fit a Grande full fat full sugar Salted Caramel Mocha into my calorie allowance.  It sounds excessive, and exhausting, doesn't it!?  I think that there's part of me that thinks that if I don't constantly surround myself with things related to losing weight, that I will like forget that I'm trying to and eat an entire cake or something.  You know what though, if I wasn't obsessing over this, it would be something else.  I figure at least this is something positive.

I'm sure there are many people who would not understand this at all.  And yet I'm even more sure that there are many who can relate.  I have a husband, a 3 year old, a 9 month old, a 20 hour a week job, a house to take care of (that one is kind of a last priority), and probably many other things I'm forgetting; I am BUSY!  And yet I've still decided to make myself a priority, if I don't, everything will suffer.  I know that because it WAS suffering.  I was obese, my health was suffering, I wasn't able to be active with my kids, I was getting depressed, I had no self esteem, no pride in myself, I could go on and on.  While it may seem excessive, I know this is just the way I work, and I'm ok with that, because guess what!?

I'VE LOST 75 POUNDS SINCE DECEMBER 20th!