My 1 year weight-loss-iversary

1 year ago today I stepped on the scale and saw 219.8.  Though I had just had a baby the end of December, concluding my pregnancy at a whopping 236 pounds, by the end of January I was down to 207.  So I had GAINED weight (again), and that 219.8 was ALL me and officially my highest non-pregnancy weight, and it put me well into the obese category.  It was a Thursday, and I truly was just sick of being overweight.  I made the decision to change that day, no waiting until Monday, or the 1st of the month.  I was tired of making excuses for myself, tired of being out of shape, tired of feeling I looked awful, tired of looking sloppy in baggy clothes trying to hide my ever-growing body.  I didn't want to be wearing maternity clothes 3 months postpartum.  I didn't want to be swiping my husband's t-shirts because mine didn't fit, and having them still be tight.  I didn't want to avoid getting on the floor to play with my kids because it was hard to get up afterwards, or be sitting on the sidelines at the park because it was too hard to play.  I didn't want to make up excuses not to get together with people because I was embarrassed of my weight.  I didn't want to grab a pair of size 18 jeans out of my closet thinking they'd be baggy and have them be too tight to even button.  I was feeling horrible about myself in just about every way possible.  And something just clicked, or snapped, depending on how you look at it.  Like, why in the heck was I allowing myself to be so miserable in a body I had full control over!?  All of a sudden I just realized how it was so ridiculous to wallow in self pity over something I could change!  So I told myself, either be one of those people who is happy being fat and come to terms with the fact that I am making myself unhealthy and almost certainly shortening my life, or. . . change!!!  I was already knowledgeable about nutrition, fitness, weight loss, lifting, you name it, just had to apply it.   And truly it was as simple as that.  Simple, though it certainly hasn't been easy! 

The scary thing is that I look back at pictures of myself at my heaviest and it really and truly shocks me!  I knew I was big, I felt big, but I didn't feel I looked as big as I was in reality.  I have kind of the exact opposite problem now -- I feel bigger than I actually look.  I will see a picture of myself and be surprised (pleasantly); I've seen my own reflection out places and TWICE thought it was someone else, someone skinny, wearing my exact same clothes and feeling irritated they looked better than me, then realizing it WAS me.  My entire life has changed over the past year, lots and lots of good ways, some not-so-good (losing this much weight is a head trip).  Losing weight doesn't solve all of your problems that's for sure, sometimes it causes new ones.  I definitely wouldn't trade back though, not for a second.

I'm literally in the best shape of my life, better than when I was a trainer.  Pictures of myself that I used to look at longingly, when I was obese, and think that I would never be that "skinny" again, I'm smaller than that now, smaller and more fit than I've ever been.  I'm stronger, I'm faster, I'm better looking (well, it's true).  I feel bad that I wasted years obese, thinking it was just the way I was now.  The best and most empowering thing I've learned in the past year is that if you want something, you freaking go get it!  This is the ONLY life we get (well, depending on if you  believe in reincarnation), and it's a damn shame to go through it not being exactly who you want to be.

My best advice, weight loss or otherwise, don't waste another SECOND being anything other than what you want to be.  Go DO IT, and go do it NOW!


Starting weight 3/22/12: 220
Current weight 3/22/13: 139 (maintaining weight flux between 137-141)

Starting BMI: 35.5
Current BMI: 22.4

Starting Body Fat%: >44%
Current Body Fat%: ~23-25%

Starting pant size: 20 solid
Current pant size: 4s, 6s, 7s, 9s (depending on brand)

Starting shirt size: XL-XXL
Current shirt size : M