Beginning Day 2 of 7

7 a.m. day 2.  I've been up 2 hours already (joys of having a small baby).  Yesterday ended up great!  Made it through the whole day on plan; all veggies, well over a gallon of water, 1 tablespoon extra virgin olive oil, apple cider vinegar, 1 teaspoon coconut oil, green tea.  I felt very tired and weak by the end of the day!  And I didn't get my run in, boo to me!

Today is going to carry its own challenges.  I will be gone from about 10:45 until, well I don't know when, maybe 3:30 or 4.  So I have to take food with me, as well as water, as well as ways to keep myself busy while waiting.

So far I'm down 1.8 lbs.  I gained 2.2 over the weekend (obviously mostly water weight as there's no way I ate an excess of 7000 calories in my 26.5 hour free for all over the weekend).  So that's good!  Typically it would take me 4 to 5 days to get back to where I was before a day like that.  I'd like to lose a total of 5 during this week, which I think is pretty realistic as 2.2 of it is just from the weekend.  Enough with the numbers!

I will most likely update later today to keep myself busy.  For now, I think I'll go have breakfast.  I never thought I would look so forward to having eggs!  Plan:  4 eggs, red, yellow, and orange bell peppers, white onion, spinach, and I haven't decided if I want to add asparagus or not.  O-M-G I'm so hungry!

Gag - Mid Day 1 Update on 7 Day Challenge

So for breakfast I had butternut squash and bell peppers (red, yellow, and orange).  I will not lie and say it was satisfying, because it wasn't.  It actually became very hard to eat.  My body rejects vegetables, I must retrain it.

As I now type I am chewing on some salad; it's mixed greens (iceberg, spinach, maybe some romaine I can't tell), I see some purple cabbage in there, carrots, zucchini, shredded broccoli stems.  I topped it off with the allowed tablespoon of extra virgin olive oil and some apple cider vinegar.  I've been eating it for like 10 minutes already and have barely made a dent.  If it were a side salad I would probably enjoy it, but as a main course it's so GROSS!  Honestly I'd rather not eat at all, but that defeats the purpose of the challenge.

So I shall carry on and gag down my disgusting salad, and if I'm brave I will also eat the carrots, cucumbers, and rest of the peppers that I brought.  Seriously, so gross!  Complaining?  Indeed.

20 minutes now, more than half of salad left.  Must. Go. On.  Must keep reminding myself this is only for 1 day and tomorrow I can have some protein.  Ok I'll stop, because if I keep going I will just keep complaining.

Challenge Accepted - Day 1

So I made a big mistake this weekend.  It's a mistake I think we have all made, one that people make even when not trying to lose weight.  This mistake is: Grocery shopping while hungry!  You know, you get home and somehow all you got was a chocolate bar, fritos, and a tomato.  Well in this case I went to do last minute Easter shopping for the kids (I have never not done last minute holiday shopping.  Example: I was shopping this past Christmas Eve, which was  4 days after I gave birth).  Anyway, there I was in Target surrounded by all that candy, I knew I had to hurry and get out of there.  I made it!  BUT, by the time I got home my strong commitment to my diet had been buried by the monster - the HUNGER MONSTER.  I decided (after making about 100 excuses why it was justified) to take 24 hours off.  Cookies, beer, pizza, (then the next day) waffles, bacon, sausage, muffins, cupcakes, ham, pasta with meatballs, macaroni salad, potato salad, candy; honest to God when it was all over at about 2:30pm yesterday (which was 26.5 hours b-t-dubs) I felt so disgusting and bloated I couldn't believe I had given myself permission to do that to myself, because in the end I didn't enjoy it at all.  And so continues my f-ed up relationship with food.  Yuck! 

So I decided to do this 7 day challenge that my hubs has been trying to get me to do.  It's kind of like a cleanse in a way I guess.  Day 1 is ALL veggies (no sweet potatoes or white potatoes though) and you are supposed to have 4 meals, but you can have snacks if you want.  Day 2 - 4 you can have 25 grams of any lean protein (including eggs, tofu, chicken etc.) with 2 meals.  Day 5 - 7 you have 25 grams of lean protein with every meal.  Also you're supposed to drink at least a gallon of water a day, and you are allowed unsweetened tea or black coffee.  Then, ideally, after the 7 days is over you just start adding back other foods like fruit, maybe some grains here and there, plus sweet potatoes etc.  Really I think it's supposed to set you up to just eat super healthy, and you can repeat the 7 day challenge every 8 weeks if you want to.

I am NOT a vegetable lover at all, so this is going to be really hard for me.  But I think it will be good, and honestly I need to prove to myself that I can do it.  The calorie counting has already gotten tedious, so this basically gives me a week off it it to figure out what will be next without letting my diet go to shit.  Typically when things start getting tedious I just give up instead of finding some other way to go about things, usually because I'm looking for a reason, nay, excuse, to give up.  I'm really serious about this though, so if one thing doesn't work I need to move on to the next thing and continue to find what works for me so this can be (and forgive the cliche) a lifestyle for me rather than a short term "fix".

I really had decided I wouldn't blog about this challenge until it was over, basically because I figured if I failed I would feel embarrassed to come on here and admit it.  I felt like that was setting myself up for failure though, so here I am putting it out there in hopes it will aid me in sticking with it.  I will try to post about it at least once a day to keep me going.  Here goes nothin'.

Inspiration for Change of Any Kind

Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, ‘I will try again tomorrow’.

Mary Anne Radmacher

It's not that some people have willpower and some don't. It's that some people are ready to change and others are not.
James Gordon

Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time.
Thomas A. Edison  

Do not lose courage in considering your own imperfections.
Saint Francis de Sales

The tragedy in life doesn't lie in not reaching your goal. The tragedy lies in having no goal to reach.
Benjamin Mays

Habit is habit and not to be flung out of the window by any man, but coaxed downstairs a step at a time. 

Mark Twain 

You must do the thing you think you cannot do. 

Eleanor Roosevelt

Your goals, minus your doubts, equal your reality.

Ralph Marston 

You've got to say, I think that if I keep working at this and want it badly enough I can have it. It's called perseverance.

Lee Iacocca  
 
The first and the best victory is to conquer self.
Plato 
 

 If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude. Don’t complain.

Maya Angelou

 Progress is impossible without change and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything.

George Bernard Shaw

 One may walk over the highest mountain one step at a time.

John Wanamaker

You will never change your life until you change something you do daily.

Mike Murdock

Whether you think you can or can’t, you’re right.

Henry Ford 

It’s not who you think you are that holds you back; it’s who you think you’re not.

Unknown 

If doubt is challenging you and you do not act, doubts will grow. Challenge the doubts with action and you will grow. Doubt and action are incompatible.

John Kanary

Don’t wait until everything is just right. It will never be perfect. There will always be challenges, obstacles and less than perfect conditions. So what. Get started now. With each step you take, you will grow stronger and stronger, more and more skilled, more and more self-confident and more and more successful.

Mark Victor Hansen

Don’t dwell on what went wrong. Instead, focus on what to do next. Spend your energies on moving forward toward finding the answer.

Denis Waitley

Stand up to your obstacles and do something about them. You will find that they haven’t half the strength you think they have.

Norman Vincent Peale

You cannot expect to achieve new goals or move beyond your present circumstances unless you change.

Les Brown

When you blame others, you give up your power to change.

Dr. Robert Anthony

If you focus on results, you will never change. If you focus on change, you will get results.

Jack Dixon

Quite often we change our jobs, friends and spouses instead of changing ourselves.

Akbarali H. Jetha

You will never change your life until you change something you do daily.

Mike Murdock

If we’re growing, we’re always going to be out of our comfort zone.

John Maxwell

All blame is a waste of time. No matter how much fault you find with another, and regardless of how much you blame him, it will not change you.

Wayne Dyer

There are two primary choices in life: to accept conditions as they exist, or accept the responsibility for changing them.

Dr. Denis Waitley

Choice, not chance, determines destiny.

E.C. McKenzie

Decide what you want, decide what you are willing to exchange for it. Establish your priorities and go to work.

H. L. Hunt

There are only two options regarding commitment; you’re either in or you’re out. There’s no such thing as life in-between.

Pat Riley

There’s a difference between interest and commitment. When you’re interested in doing something, you do it only when circumstances permit. When you’re committed to something, you accept no excuses, only results.

Unknown

Stay committed to your decisions; but stay flexible in your approach.

Tony Robbins

Courage is a resistance to fear, mastery of fear – not absence of fear.

Mark Twain

 The way to develop self-confidence is to do the thing you fear.

William Jennings Bryan

When you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot in it and hang on.

Thomas Jefferson

No matter who you are, no matter what you do, you absolutely, positively do have the power to change.

Bill Phillips

Dear 23 Year Old Self,

June 2006

Awww look how cute you are 23 year old Stephanie!  That'll be up on myspace in about 2 seconds won't it!?  Seeing you makes me kind of sad, but what I really want to say is. . . You are an ASS!  I'd congratulate you on your 60 pound weight loss but that would be like congratulating a robber on his newly acquired fortune.  You didn't do this the right way and you will regret that.  You smoke, you starve yourself, you do up to 4 hours of cardio a day.  You don't take care of yourself and you will pay for that.  All those days you didn't eat enough and just smoked, and drank diet sodas and energy drinks won't have been worth it in the end.  It took you the better part of a year to get here and it will take you less than that to gain it all back.   Look at your cute little tummy!  6 years, 2 pregnancies, many dozen pounds, and a gall bladder removal from now you will look at this tummy with a certain amount of jealousy and awe at the lack of scars, stretch marks, and fat.  But you will also look at it with some pity, because you will know how hungry it is!  23 year old Stephanie, if only you knew what I know now!  But you don't, you're a dumb idiot and you will learn all your lessons the hard way.  Ah, but that is life.  Thanks 23 year old self for reminding me that it is worth it to take care of myself and treat myself kindly.  Thank you for doing things the wrong way so that I could learn from your mistakes.  Thank you for showing me that doing things the quickest way doesn't mean it's the best way.  Thanks for teaching me to focus on health rather than vanity!  And thanks for reminding me there is indeed still a hottie inside me somewhere.

Love,
29 Year Old Self

P.S.  You still will have those junior size jeans you are wearing there, but because of the 2 cute kids you have they may never fit again, just a heads up!  Also wait a few more years to buy a house, the market is going to go down the shitter.

An Ode to my Scale

Oh scale, you are like an old friend, in that when you tell me what I want to hear I think fondly of you, and when you don't I call you names under my breath.  You are always there waiting for me no matter how long I've been away; there to tell me how bad I do without you.  When we are close, I see you several times a day.  Sometimes you are such a liar though and I want to smash you with a sledge hammer.  At times I think you are just jealous of my relationship with food, though you remind me every time I see you that that relationship is abusive.  I don't want to believe what you say sometimes, so I have you tell me 20 times in 3 minutes.  Sometimes I feel like you really get me, and sometimes I think you don't know me at all.  I wish you would tell my pants what you told me this morning, as they don't believe me yet.  There are so many things I want you to tell me, but you are one of those mysterious friends who only tells me a little bit at a time, even though I want to hear more and more and more.  I will be patient with you though, I will let you take it slow knowing, in the end, you will tell me exactly what I want to hear.  Until I see you again, scale, rest well.

Excuses, Excuses

Almost 2 weeks ago now I decided to stop bull-shitting myself, stop with the excuses, and if I was unhappy with something in my life that I needed to stop complaining about it and change it.  Boy, I don't think I ever realized how many excuses I have for myself in one given day.  I read a quote (don't know who said it or if this is it exactly) that said something to the effect of "If you are still making excuses for your actions, then you aren't ready to change them".  Boy, it's really hard to be brutally honest with yourself, that's probably why so many people are not!  I keep reminding myself that things usually get worse before they get better, but this has turned into much more than just about "letting myself go", which I guess shouldn't surprise me.  Being overweight is rarely as simple as liking cake too much, although I do like me some cake (obvs).  It would be like saying a drug addict just likes getting high, or an alcoholic just likes to drink.  Ya it's as "simple" as not overeating, and exercising; or it's as "simple" as just quit doing drugs or drinking alcohol.  Simple doesn't mean EASY!  It's never easy to make big changes in your life, and if you want them to be permanent changes, you have to put the work in, no matter what that change is (wow, how many times can I say 'change' in one sentence?).

I will blog a full report of my losses on May 1st, whether or not they are stupendous or humbling.  I took all my measurements, as well as my body fat % on March 31st, and have been tracking my weight since day 1.  I am excited to have this accountability.  No matter how few people read this is irrelevant, the fact that it's out there makes me feel a certain extra motivation, which I need.

Tonight I will make no excuses for why I can't go for a run.  Tonight I WILL run, just like the other nights I said I will and have.  Tonight I will push a little harder, and tomorrow I will be glad I did.