*PICS* Befores and a So-Far

I got under 160 today to see the 150s for the first time since like 2006 (possibly was 2007, but probably not).  I also fit into a size 10 for the first time ever (although vanity sizing is a little out of control IMO, because when I was in the 140s back in '06 I was a solid 12, IDK).  Anyway, here are some before pics.  These are hard to post, they embarrass me and I don't even recognize myself.  They are at different times and weights over the past 3 years, some more recent, some when Emma was a baby.

 

And here is a full body pic from today, and a face pic from a couple days ago.  I still look smaller in the mirror (to myself) than I do in pictures - I definitely have more weight to lose, but I'm getting there.

The Crazies

I'm a neurotic person, by nature.  It's taken me a long time to admit that, as I've always been a self-labeled "easy going kind of gal".  Well, I'm not -- not really even a little bit.  I'm controlling, anxious, impatient, and all kinds of other negative things like that.  Perhaps the only exception is with my children.   I can being easy going with them, and kind of just go-with-the-flow, for the most part.

As I'm sure you can imagine - weight loss, exercise, and nutrition, are really perfect types of things to become obsessive about.  Am I obsessed?  While I could try to argue that I'm not, I won't even bother.  Ya, I am obsessed.  If I've ever given the impression that this comes naturally, easily, without intense effort, and/or without a second thought, I was basically misleading you (hopefully I have never given that impression, though!).  There have been times I've tried to convince myself that I've come so far as to no longer need to even think about it, that I will just eat the right foods in the right amounts, and just be active. . . but it's just not so, it takes a lot of work, a lot of planning, and a lot of TIME!  I'm just speaking for myself, of course, some people do have an easier go of it.

In any case, one of the crazy things I do is totally immerse myself in all that is weight loss.  One way that I do this, is my after-the-kids-go-to-bed tv watching.  I've watched everything weight loss/health/fitness related on streaming Netflix (The Biggest Loser, Ruby, Foodmatters, Food Inc, Running the Sahara, and MANY more -- you  name it, I've watched it), and have now moved to youtube (this collection is amazing, I especially love that they are British shows).  I can stream youtube through my Tivo, so I don't have to stare at my computer screen (which I hate).  I read books on it (currently finishing up New Rules of Lifting for Women, and am also currently reading The Weight Loss Diaries during my (mostly) nightly bath).  I frequent weight loss forums.  Almost all of my free time (which isn't much) is completely devoted to weight loss, in one way or another: if not any of the above, then it's working out, planning workouts, thinking about which exercises I should do, how much cardio, how many days of lifting, preparing meals, planning meals, thinking about food, calculating calorie intake, thinking about the percentages of my macronutrients, recording my food intake, thinking about food I should stay away from, trying to figure out if I can fit a Grande full fat full sugar Salted Caramel Mocha into my calorie allowance.  It sounds excessive, and exhausting, doesn't it!?  I think that there's part of me that thinks that if I don't constantly surround myself with things related to losing weight, that I will like forget that I'm trying to and eat an entire cake or something.  You know what though, if I wasn't obsessing over this, it would be something else.  I figure at least this is something positive.

I'm sure there are many people who would not understand this at all.  And yet I'm even more sure that there are many who can relate.  I have a husband, a 3 year old, a 9 month old, a 20 hour a week job, a house to take care of (that one is kind of a last priority), and probably many other things I'm forgetting; I am BUSY!  And yet I've still decided to make myself a priority, if I don't, everything will suffer.  I know that because it WAS suffering.  I was obese, my health was suffering, I wasn't able to be active with my kids, I was getting depressed, I had no self esteem, no pride in myself, I could go on and on.  While it may seem excessive, I know this is just the way I work, and I'm ok with that, because guess what!?

I'VE LOST 75 POUNDS SINCE DECEMBER 20th!

Vanity and Guns

The more weight I lose the more vain I am becoming.  I don't really see it as a bad thing actually, considering how many years I've lived ashamed of my appearance.  I've found myself more concerned with my clothes, shoes, makeup, hair, and lately -- muscles.  I'm becoming very obsessed with this, which I think is also a positive thing.  The last time I lost a significant amount of weight (50 pounds back in '05/'06) I never lifted (hardly every anyway) and while I lost weight and got smaller, my body fat % was still pretty high.  I was definitely "skinny fat".  I had about the same body fat % then at 142 pounds as I do now at 163 pounds (WOW!).  I haven't been terribly consistent with my weight training, but more consistent than any other time in my life.  Yesterday I had Luke in the baby carrier and I passed the mirror (hand on my hip) and saw some visible MUSCLE.  I was impressed with myself and took a picture (below).  I don't really have any pictures of "before" at this angle, but take my word for it, it's an improvement!

I have committed to 6 weeks of this current weight training program (about 4 and a half weeks left).  BUT, after that I am starting the New Rules of Lifting for Women (they have several books in the series for different things) program.  I just got the book and am completely STOKED to start it.  I will definitely keep record of all concerning that!

I'm getting very close to a normal weight, and not that far off of my estimated goal weight, I really need to concentrate on weight training.  No point in being skinny just for skinny's sake.  I want to look GOOD!

Still here, still workin' it

I haven't been blogging much; I haven't been on the computer much.  BUT I wanted to check in.

I decided as to reach my goals by the desired time frames, that I needed to start counting and tracking again.  So back to My Fitness Pal I went.  I also (for real) rededicated myself to working out.  Weight training 3-4 times a week, cardio 3-7 times a week (my motivation ebbs and flows so when it's flowing I will take advantage by going everyday, when it's dead I will still do it 3xs).  Anyway, down to 163.4 now and really closing in on a normal weight (8 1/2 pounds to go).  While my goal is still 28.4 pounds away, my trainer thinks I really only have 15 - 20 more to lose, so we'll see.  I'd still really love to be in the 130s, but around 145 would be where I was at on my wedding day, and I looked pretty good.

I still would really love to do the half marathon in January.  I know I've been super flaky going back and for on whether to do the whole or the half.  I think the whole is out of reach at this point, and honestly I just am not willing to dedicate that much time to running right now.  I think the half is totally doable.  I've gotten a couple runs in this week already and my endurance is still pretty good.  I think I'll try and see how far I can run later this week (or today, who knows), and find out if I can beat that 7 mile record I have.  I really have found that if I want to have a good long run, I absolutely have to eat within about a half hour of going otherwise my tank gets empty and I can't push as far as I'd like.

That's all for now.  I'll definitely check in again soon.

August Losses

I'm a day late doing this; shows how unexcited I was to take measurements this month!  August has been lame, weight-loss-wise.  I have been very lazy and indulgent.  I haven't been trying, really at all!  And I've been full of excuses why, but when it comes down to it, it's simply because I didn't feel like it.  Anyhoo.  Here's the numbers

August Losses

-3.6 pounds
-6.5 total inches lost
-1.3% body fat

Inches broken down:
Neck 0
Upper Arm -.25 ea.
Middle Arm 0
Lower Arm -.75 ea.
Bust 0
Chest @ Armpits 0
Under Bust 0
Natural Waist -1
Waist @ Belly Button 0
Hips -1
Butt -.75
Upper Thighs -.25 ea.
Middle Legs -.25 ea.
Upper Calves 0
Middle Calves 0


I had gotten down to 167 like 2 weeks ago, today I am 168.6; I've gotten as high as 173 at various points this month with all the crap I've eaten.  I'm doing better and am recommitting (again) to exercising regularly.  I'm starting by committing to 6 weeks, starting Monday, or tomorrow, haven't decided yet.

Anyway, wanted to drop by and blog my August losses.  They aren't impressive, but weight loss isn't always impressive!  Sometimes as long as you didn't gain, it's a win.

Also I think I'm looking pretty damn good ;)  I got a lot of clothes for my birthday, and it was actually fun to shop.  I'll have to post some pictures!

Catching Up

The last week has been very busy.  Between working, caring for the children (meaning - them driving me nuts and me just making sure they don't injure themselves), cleaning (haha ya right, just kidding), attempting to keep working out (the thoughts take up more time than the actual doing of the workout since I only made it in twice this week so far), and blah blah blah. . . life happens (I hate that saying, duh, life is happening constantly, what a useless thing to say).

I had kind of been eating like crap and my weight went up (wait, you mean eating too much makes you gain weight!?  What!?).  LUCKILY, I caught it quick and lost what I gained plus a teensy tiny bit more.  Down to 167.2 today; I had gotten back up to 173 at the beginning of the week (obviously mostly water weight, as one cannot lose and gain several pounds of fat in just a few days).

Anyway, Jason and I had a lot of fun in Flagstaff for our anniversary.  I would definitely recommend Flagstaff Extreme Adventure Course, and Salsa Brava Mexican Restaurant!  Both exceeded my expectations!  If you are going up to Flag, you won't be disappointed in either!

Not much else to report really.  Things have been busy but fairly boring, unless I'm forgetting something -- that happens a lot nowadays.

Trudging Along

Been a little more low key the last couple weeks.  I've tired of recording, counting, obsessing, etc. etc.  Don't misunderstand, I've still been focused on losing weight, just in a different way.

Saturday is my and Jason's 6 year wedding anniversary.  To celebrate, tomorrow, we are going to Flagstaff Extreme adventure course.  After that we are going to lunch at Salsa Brava, which was featured on Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives (a Food Network show, for anyone that hasn't had the food-porn-pleasure of watching it).

I've, sadly (well I'm not sad about it really), totally been ditching out on the weight training.  I, as usual, overdid it for several weeks and now can't stand the thought of it.  I, perhaps, learned my lesson. . .again.  BUT, I have still been going to the gym and getting some running in.  I go maybe 3 or 4 times a week, and sometimes I just walk (it's just too hot to run outside right now, even though I prefer it).  The good news is that my running is progressing fantastically, and I haven't had any pains or problems.  I have progressed to being able to run 5 miles!  I'm excited about that.  I think I could have gone a little further too, or maybe done it in a faster time.  I had changed my mind and decided I wanted to do the whole marathon instead of the half, then my injury kept flaring up and I think I'm too behind, mileage-wise, to make the full, so I'm back to aiming for the half, which I think is still pretty good.  I have until the end of the month to decide, because I will need to register for one or the other before the price goes up the beginning of September.

Speaking of September (and Labor Day), I am now under 5 pounds away from that goal (168.5 this morning).  That's rather exciting, isn't it!?  Hard to believe I weighed over 200 pounds just in May!  Well, it isn't actually that hard to believe I suppose, some days I still feel that big.  I actually went on the Flagstaff Extreme website to check to see if I would be under their weight limit, silly right?  I saw that it was 285, and even though I never weighed that much, part of me still is worried they're going to tell me I won't fit in their harness and that I can't do it.  Jason says that I am psycho, which is probably fairly accurate.

I haven't been blogging, or facebooking, or visiting my usual weight loss forums, much at all the last couple weeks.  It's been nice.  I haven't lost my enthusiasm or drive, just sick of having my whole life revolve around it I guess.  I'm at the point where, even though I have over 30 pounds left that I want to lose, 30 seems like nothing.  I've lost over 65 pounds, 30 just seems minuscule compared to the 100 I was staring at when I started.  I've already lost 30 more than twice over.  30?  Psh, bring it on.