Perspective

Back in April I wrote a letter to my 23 year old self.  I just went back and read it.  It's funny the perspective you can lose in just a couple of months.  First off, I was wrong, I don't have those jeans anymore, AND I was wrong that I'd never fit into that size again, in fact I can.  I was wrong, also, that I had this all figured out.  I seriously hope that no one reading this blog thinks that just because I’ve lost as much as I have that I have things figured out – actually I would be surprised if anyone thinks I’m anything but a nutcase really.  I don’t mean that in a self-deprecating way, I mean it in a reality kind of way; and I’m okay with being a little nuts.

I don’t know at what point I decided nothing I do is good enough.  I’ve reverted to a lot of old bad habits.  I was naïve to think those wouldn’t come back to haunt me; old habits die hard and all that.  I’m going to start the NROLFW program today, and I’m going to follow their calorie intake guidelines, which are substantially higher than I’ve eaten in a long while.  Aside from that I’m going to start working on some things that I’ve lost sight of, some things I was really good about in the beginning – being kind to myself and working on my body for health and fitness (not just for a smaller waistline), stopping the negative self talk and all of the self punishment.  I’m seriously considering only weighing in once a week, but it’s hard for me to give up that control.  I think it would be good for me though.  As long as I’m counting calories I know exactly how much I’m eating and that it would be impossible for me to gain fat at that level.  If I’m going to take the stance that the scale isn’t as important as my fitness and health, especially since I’m a normal weight now, I need to actually put that into practice.  The scale does drive me crazy, and some days it does really effect my mood, and that isn’t good.

So that's my new and improved plan.  In summary: be less crazy, workout more, take care of myself.