It is 6:30pm, Jason isn't home from work yet, and BOTH of my children are asleep. I've never gotten both of them to sleep by myself before. This is insane! Is it wrong to pray that your children stay sleeping? I hope not because I do it often!
I'm very motivated right now, I'm so close to 1 of my mini-goals. The weight has been consistently coming off this week, I'm at 2.6 for the week and still have tomorrow's weigh in left! I'm definitely on track to reach my 10 pound goal this month! I'm working very hard in the gym, and am counting calories again for the time being. The encouraging thing about this journey so far is that I've already gone through several phases of eating and have lost through all of them. I've worked out every single day since I joined the gym, that makes 22 days straight so far. I certainly have had some days where I have NOT wanted to go, but I've had more days where I look forward to it. It's MY time.
On a separate note (and it's not appropriate to go into specifics on a blog, so I'm not just being ambiguous for attention's sake), some pretty awful things have been going on, not to me specifically, but to someone very close to me. I'm torn apart about it, broken hearted, sick to my stomach, and just awful thoughts of revenge. Hate is not a pleasant thing to have in your heart, and I can honestly say I've never hated anyone in my life until now and I don't see how that feeling will ever ever ever go away. There are some unforgivable things, some sins so horrendous and heinous that I question whether any God could forgive it either. It's hard to stay focused on anything but this horrible thing. There's no way this can be fixed, what happened, happened, there's no taking it back. I can only hope and pray that justice will be served. I honestly can't imagine what will happen if it's not. I can truly now understand why people take justice into their own hands when things like this happen. I feel guilty carrying on with my everyday things because of this, so it's been a real struggle the last couple days. Stopping living my life will not help the situation is all I can tell myself, but it doesn't help the pit I have in my stomach constantly. I feel totally helpless and useless. This will be in the forefront for a long time, it will be a while before time could even possibly start to heal this. The ramifications will last a lifetime for every single person involved, some more than others of course.
Ug.
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Goals so far: 13/28, 5/12, 580/1200, 4.6/10
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